i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
