OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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