nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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