I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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