I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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