Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
