we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
