I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
