wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
