i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
