I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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