So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
