I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
