Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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