you would pick up someone in the library
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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