Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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