Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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