Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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