I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
