he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
