were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
