Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
