Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
