Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize