Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
