Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
