We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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