I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
