I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
