I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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