I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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