he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
