you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
