in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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