I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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