I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
