: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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