She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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