Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Ketchup is God's man juice
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
