so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
