i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
