i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
