I'm drive I can fine osifer
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
