i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
