why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
