either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
