If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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