apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize