Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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