I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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