Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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