If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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