This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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