I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
