TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
