yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
