Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
