I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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