i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
