He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Randomize
