I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize