i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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