My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize