I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
