GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
