Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
