I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
