I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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