there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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