I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
