Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
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