i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
