conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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