I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She said her name was "party"
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
