I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
