dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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