Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
